I always thought that my work by itself is the epitome of doing something without expecting anything in return. OOOPS.
I give 100% of myself, if not more, to every class I give to my students and clients, whether individual or group, whether beginners or advanced. ALWAYS. No questions asked. (Or maybe I'm just a good performer, the show must go on, regardless of my inner disposition, whether tired or hungry or ill or angry.) I just do my job, so I might as well give it my bestest best. It's my performance each time, much harder than performing onstage where I am embellished with screaming cosmetics and costumes, before a captive audience that may be watching in awe or plain snoring. Each class I give is a live performance in itself, no stage, no lights, no embellishments, no understudy, no take two or three or four, JUST ME.
Of course I study and rehearse my program beforehand, but at the actual class, there are surprises that I have learned to be ready for. Sometimes I get excited and overestimate my client's ability and challenge him or her with an advanced program, but oh no, not yet, it's not good, so back to square one, and try again next time. And then more often, my group classes are a mix of neophytes and veterans, so I always give options for both levels, so everyone is happy and no one is frustrated. Can you imagine how TOUGH it is to move perfectly and talk loud and connect with people altogether? And at the end of it, I still wonder if I did a great job and helped at least just one of them each day. DID I REALLY???
I am learning that I should just continue giving my best doing my job, regardless of expressed appreciation. Proof of my passion and purpose is to JUST DO. (Well of course I need to earn enough to feed myself well too.) I've been told that, sure, I do not ask for anything in return, nothing fancy, but it turns out that I DO ask for something in return. And that is ACCEPTANCE. It's nothing material or grandiose, but it still IS something. Now is there anything wrong with wanting to be accepted and wanted?
I'm thankful for my students and clients, without whom, I would have a nervous breakdown and feel utterly useless.
Overall, GOD is amazing. GOD made me some sort of a bottomless vessel and I owe HIM all that flows through me during class. It's no longer my own effort and it does not tire me. Credit is not all mine. It just happens. It should be more than enough that I am significant to GOD, my creator. GOD wants me for his good, pleasing, and perfect will (Romans 12). I ought to take that to heart. GOD saved me from my troubles and has brought me this far, who knows what other surprises are up next!!!
